2 weeks ago it was confirmed that I am to become the proud owner of a baby.
This confirmation has caused me to think quite a lot more than I used to. Usually, I am one of those people who floats through life, smirking and not caring; arrogantly joking about the responsibilities of others.
Now, I am about to be faced with a good deal more responsibility than I am used to. A full time job, with no breaks, no holidays, that you are on on call for at all times, for at least the next 18 years.
I have to ask myself the question, am I ready for this?
I am about to turn 30, I have just quit the acting job I’ve been doing for nearly 6 years and now I have been given the role of a lifetime, the role I feel I was born to play, now I am to be “DAD”.
I am ready.
This was not something that myself and my partner had planned, but it does seem like the timing is perfect. Many of my friends have quipped about how I “would get bored now that I won’t be touring”, or that I “will go mad without something creative to do”. They might have been right. However, now I certainly don’t think I’ll be bored ever again, and creativity? I literally created something that is going to be a person, who walks and talks and hates things, and loves things. A person who will laugh and cry, a person who will break hearts and have it’s heart broken. A person who I will have to give a “stern talking to”, when they do something bad in school, while secretly finding it amusing. This will be the best thing I ever created.
This child, that (according to the What to Expect app that I downloaded) is only the size of an Orange seed (and apparently has a tail, that the app assures me will not be there when the child is born), has awoken something in me already. It made me care, made me think, made me plan.
Kate (my girlfriend), has been laughing at my new cleaning habits. She says I’m nesting, and she’s right. I do feel like I have to do something to prepare. Upon the confirmation that Kate was pregnant I felt lighter, happier, like I had finally found the thing I was looking for.
The Blog Father
This news has already changed me for the better.
It created a ripple effect of equal parts happiness and confusion that has caused me to take to writing. The emotion, the thought, the doubts, the fears, the utter ignorance that I am feeling towards Fatherhood and indeed the dark nightmare that is the birthing process has given me the idea to start a blog.
This is it.
This is the blog.(editors note this blog failed , it lasted 3 entries and I just didn't do it anymore)
All this will be is a place to store my thoughts, feeling, research etc in hopes that I won’t forget, and hey, if you read this and it helps you, that’s great too. This will be a track record of my journey into the unknown.
What’s my job?
I’ve already read a number of books and websites about what to expect from the first trimester, and what my role is at this stage.
It seems my role is similar to that of Mickey in the Boxing film franchise Rocky. I’m there to shout words of encouragement and not try to steal the show. It’ll seem like my role isn’t important, buy hey Rocky needs Mickey, and I’m hoping Kate needs me.
My biggest worry here is that I’ve read too much and am annoying Kate with my little “fun facts” or not-so-fun facts about Morning sickness and the likes.
She assures me that “it’s cute that I’m this interested”. Let’s see how long that lasts!
The next step
As it stands I am a day away from our first visit to the Doctor, which will certainly make this all seem real. It already does, but at the moment it feels as if it’s myself and Kate’s secret, whereas if the Doctors visit goes well, we will begin to tell a few select family members.
Telling my family will be interesting. My brother and his girlfriend have only just announced that they are having a baby, and I’ve been accused of “attention seeking” in the past, will this be seen as another Luke Barry attempt to upstage his siblings? When my sister had her child Toby, I went and bought a Rabbit, a move that many claim was a classic “upstaging move”, because bunny beats baby every time.
Alternatively, maybe no one will care? Is my family’s “givafuk” all worn out when it comes to babies? Would I prefer this? It does mean I’d be left alone. Who am I kidding? I’ll probably be disappointed if they don’t throw a parade in my honour.
“We are today to recognize that Luke Barry has created life, he always told us he was God like, now we all know it to be true, please accept our offering oh reproducer of babies”.
Anything less than that and I will be unhappy.
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