In recent months the world has been thrown into chaos. People asked to work from home, exercise within a short radius, only make essential trips and the elderly have been forced to Cocoon in their homes.
A tough task to undertake, but most were willing to undertake this task, for fear of becoming a task an Undertaker would take, should he undertake a task or two. The Elderly in particular should be praised for their incredible efforts towards the slowing of this killer virus.
All, that is, except for one man.
I have lived in my current residence for two years now, and often look out my window to take in the view of the incredible Cork Harbour. When looking out the window, directly in my eyeline is a gated house, with a wooden fence on each side of a walkway leading up to a doorway. I have never seen a single person walk in or out of this house in two years.
That is until the day lockdown was enforced. Immediately after the elderly were told to cocoon, a man emerged from this house daily. He was in his late 70’s, had grey hair and wore a red boiler suit. Each day he would paint his fence, pull weeds out of the ground or appear to be fixing his gate. For the entirety of the initial lockdown period this man, clearly within the age group of people who should not be out, was out on the street talking to people as he worked, occasionally looking up to wave at me.
The day phase 1 of getting back to normal began, this man disappeared. There are weeds in the garden, the gate is not fixed and the fence is unpainted.
WAS HE EVER REALLY THERE?
Yes, yes he was.
But was he?
Yes!
Was he just manufactured in a lab in China, and sent here to trick us into thinking that fences had been painted when in fact fence painting was just an elaborate smoke screen so the people who created this man could dance naked in the garden, rubbing money on themselves and pouring literal salt into the wounds of the local poor person.
No, he was a real man.
But was he real? I don’t know anybody else who’s seen him, or has been affected by him, so surely he’s not real.
He is real. He is fucking real. In fact, it is this writer's opinion that this man is the COVID 19 virus. The physical embodiment of this worldwide pandemic, living on the east side of Cobh, pretending to paint a fence, taunting me from outside, urging me to leave the house, waving at me as if to say, “come out, the air is fresh, paint my fence, no need for a mask m’lad, there’s nothing to fear”. He is Long John Silver, the charming loveable Pirate, I am Jim Hawkins the young boy who wants everything this renegade has to offer. The outside is the buried treasure.
Every day he was there, daring me to join him on his adventure, and every day I was tempted.
Then, as soon as Leo Varadkar and the lovely lads said that it is time to started moving towards our “New Normal”, this “Man” seemed to disappear.
His garden still has weeds, his fence is unpainted, his gate is not fixed.
But did he really disappear, or are we all just fools. Is this what the man wants? He wants us to go outside, visit B&Q or Woodies, buy the supplies to paint our fences, weed our gardens, mend our gates, only to be slapped with a second wave of this “man”.
He will be back, and we need to be ready.
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