Tonight, I am taking part in Strictly Cobh Dancing. I was supposed to do it last year, but I couldn't. I remember walking into the rehearsal room last year and instantly becoming short of breath, swirling under the glare of the lights, a feeling of panic completely overwhelming me, as I tried my best to mask my emotions and silence my internal monologue for long enough to engage in a conversation with the people in the group.
I couldn’t. I quit after one night and I made up a litany of excuses and reasons as to why I quit, but I now know, and probably knew then that I quit for one reason.
Anxiety! The big A word that I now know has been a part of my life forever, came to a head around this time last year. While on the way to work I started to have pains in my chest, I started sweating and struggling to breathe. With my mouth becoming more and more dry and as my body gave in to a tiredness that I can’t fully explain, I called a few people. My Mother, My Wife and South Doc, all of whom came to the same conclusion, “You may be having a heart attack”.
An Ambulance was called and tests were done. Initially, the paramedics agreed. This is a heart attack.
It wasn’t. The conclusion that they and my GP both came to was that I was suffering from Anxiety, and that what seemed like a heart attack may have been an incredibly big anxiety attack.
This life event also ties in with Strictly Cobh Dancing, in a roundabout way.
My first day of treatment for anxiety happened to fall on the opening night of Strictly 2023, and what should have been my performance with the group. I went along to see my Father in law perform. I really enjoyed the show and it was clear that the group had put in incredible effort, but I was still very anxious being around people and I also couldn't shake the disappointment that I wasn’t a part of the show.
This is the constant confusion that my mind creates. Being around people gives me constant anxiety, but my want to perform for people gives me an extreme calm. It’s confused me and others for most of my life, and probably will for the rest of my life. I am an introvert who masquerades as an extrovert. I am happy at home on my couch, or on a stage in front of hundreds of people, there is no in-between, it seems.
A few months later, I had become more at ease with my anxiety and was starting to see a big difference in my mental health and wellbeing, and once again Julie & Hayley from Glitz and Strictly Cobh Dancing reached out to me. They asked me if I would take part in the 2024 show. I thought about it, and Ivy(my daughter) eventually made my mind up for me.
I went to the first rehearsal, afraid that I would once again become afraid. I did. I still had all the same feelings that social situations like this give me. There was a key difference though. I could handle it. My inner monologue was my own, and it no longer seemed like it was against me.
I managed to somehow get through the rehearsals and the parts that I struggle with mentally, and I am ready to burst with excitement at the opportunity to perform in front of a crowd.
The process has been incredible and I have learned an awful lot and even made progress with dancing, but mainly I’ve made progress mentally. I’ve gone from feeling anxious in a rehearsal and becoming so overwhelmed that I wouldn’t go back, to sitting in the audience feeling afraid and disappointed to rehearsing the show and now tonight I get to do my favourite thing in the world. Perform!
I am delighted with myself, I am thankful to the people who have helped me and I am super proud to say that I am Luke Barry and yes I have to deal with Anxiety, but Anxiety also has to deal with me.
To finish up, I would like to wish all of the dancers in Strictly Cobh Dancing the best of luck and say thank you to everyone involved for giving me another chance, and proving to myself that I can do this!
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